


Six Degrees of Losing You

by fxbulouskilljoy



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, larrystylinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 11:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7101370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxbulouskilljoy/pseuds/fxbulouskilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis and harry have been together for awhile; but lately, louis fucking up and he loses harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Degrees of Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> this story is old and yes its probably really cringy. i apologize in advance! i have already published this on wattpad however.

1\. First you think the worst is a broken heart

When Louis stumbles through the threshold of his and Harry's house for the third time that week, Harry knows he's gotta put a stop to it. 

He sighs and turns over to look at the clock by their bed. 3:27am. 

He knows what Louis gonna say the next morning, and he'd rather not hear it again. 

He'll apologize, promise he won't do it again, swear he won't go out anymore, but repeat his actions again. 

That saying 'actions speak louder than words' was finally getting to Harry. 

Louis opened the door to his and Harry's bedroom and tried to sneak in, but with him being insanely drunk, there was no possible way to do that. 

Harry felt the build up of tears in his eyes as Louis pulled Harry's larger body into his smaller one. 

"I love you," Louis slurred. Then the tears fell. He was almost positive Louis felt his tears hitting his warm arm, this was what happened every night anyways. 

And as usual, Louis kept his drunken mouth shut. 

After Louis fell into a fit of light snores and even breathing, Harry drifted off into a disdainful sleep. 

*  
Harry had his back to Louis when Louis entered the kitchen. 

"My head is killing me," Louis groaned. Harry snorted. "I wonder why," he remarked sarcastically. 

"What's wrong with you?" Louis asked. Harry finally turned to face his lover. 

Louis smiled at Harry, expecting a smile in return. It was how he knew he was forgiven for once again breaking his promises. Harry didn't smile back this time. 

"Louis we need to talk... About us," Harry said slowly. He almost looked like he was in physical pain just reciting the words. 

Louis smile faltered quickly. "Baby what's wrong?" 

Harry looked at the floor before meeting eyes with Louis once again. 

"I think we should take a break," he swallowed down his tears. 

Louis could swear he felt his heart stop beating for a moment. "W-why?" 

Louis knew why though. 

"Louis, for months I've been forgiving you without even thinking before I sputtered out the rehearsed words "it's okay, just please don't do it again", and not only did you keep doing what you were doing, you lied to me. You promised me so many times that you wouldn't cheat anymore Louis! I hate to even think about leaving you-" Harry got cut off. 

"Then don't please! I promise I won-", "Louis do not promise me something you will break again." 

Harry already knew he was crying. He could feel the tears hitting his chest. His vision was blurred. 

"I'm sorry haz, you know I am. We've been together since we were 16 and 18. Do you really want to throw away 5 years?" 

"I said break Louis, you need to get yourself together before we can try over. I'll come back tomorrow to get the rest of my belongings." And with that, Harry threw on some black skinny jeans, a white v-neck, and his brown boots before heading out to stay with Liam for awhile. 

Liam was one of his best mates and he fully supported Harry's decision to leave Louis for awhile. 

Louis stayed frozen in the kitchen hours after Harry left. To say he was devastated was an understatement. Louis was absolutely shattered. 

He felt an itch on his wrists. Louis'd had problems in the past with cutting, as Harry would always stop him from doing it again. 

 

He knew he would become weak while Harry was away and he didn't want that. 

When he finally managed to remove himself from the kitchen floor, he raced to his and Harry's room and grabbed one of Harry's jumpers. 

If Harry was going to leave him, at least he'd have something to remind him of who loved him no matter what. 

"I am such a fuck up," Louis whispered to himself. 

So if you want to guess that Louis laid in that bed and clutched onto that jumper for dear life while crying his soul out, then you're absolutely correct.

-

 

2\. What's gonna kill you is the second part.

Louis couldn't bare to watch Harry take his clothes and pack them into a suitcase. Nor could he bare Harry ignoring him. 

The moment Harry stepped through the door, he went straight to the room and began packing. He didn't even look at Louis. 

"Haz," Louis said almost crying again. He ran his hand over his face, trying to catch his breath again. For some reason he couldn't breathe. Maybe because the love of his life was leaving him. 

"Please speak to me," he whispered. 

Harry sighed but didn't say anything. He zipped the suitcase up and began walking towards the door. 

Before he left though, Harry finally looked at Louis. "You're strong Lou, so I know you'll be okay. Maybe some time apart is just what we needed. I love you, okay?" 

And with that, Harry walked out the door. 

Can you imagine going through a heartbreak twice? It's like experiencing death. You'll never know what it feels like until it happens to you. No amount of words could even begin to explain what Louis felt in that exact moment. 

Losing the love of your life, even for just a little while, was like watching your very best friend commit suicide. 

Or maybe it was like experiencing a traumatic accident. You go into a deep shock, especially when you and said lover are connected to each other on such a deep level. 

So you could say Louis was going through shock. He wasn't able to process that Harry wasn't going to be apart of his life for awhile.

He couldn't even begin to fathom life without the younger lad. 

But what could he do? He was dying inside.

 

-

trigger warning*

3\. And the third Is when your world splits down the middle. 

 

"Louis, I know you're in there. I need you to come open this door. You need to get up and go out," Zayn shouted through the door. 

Louis'd been laid up in his bedroom for about a week now. "Go away zaynnnnn," Louis dragged out the 'n'. 

"Dude. Get your ass up, if you can't prove to Harry that you're changing, do you think he's gonna come back?" Zayn asked. 

This brought Louis back to tears. Whenever someone would mention Harry, Louis would drown in his own tears.  

"Aw fuck! Lou! Open the damn door." Zayn was growing impatient now. 

Louis sobbed louder. "It hurts," Louis whispered. 

"Lou..." Zayn said. 

Louis stood up from the bed and unlocked the bedroom door before falling back on to the bed into a ball. 

Zayn slowly walked in and looked at the mess in front of him. 

Louis'd thrown everything around trying to find anything Harry would've left behind. Unfortunately, Harry'd taken everything he owned, including the jumper Louis had wore the night before Harry left him. 

"It hurts. My heart hurts. I-I feel like I'm dying zen.... It's like someone took my heart, tore it up, set it on fire, threw it to the devil, and then stuck it back inside of me. I can barely breathe. I can't handle this," Louis managed to say between labored breaths and sobs. 

Zayn stared down at his brown haired friend in sympathy. He knew Louis loved Harry, but he also knew Louis was an asshole sometimes. 

"I'm sorry you feel like that mate, but you do have to remember, you brought this upon yourself. Harry gave you so many chances, you just kept using him though," Zayn said honestly. 

"It was a mistake zen. A mistake. Niall means nothing to me... He was just there, and it happened," Louis whispered after calming down some. 

Zayn shook his head. "How would you feel if it was Harry constantly breaking your trust and always cheating. Coming home in the dawn of daylight, drunk out of comprehension, reeking of sex and liquor. Would you like that? Would you stay with him?" 

Louis shook his head. "I stopped cutting for him... I love him." 

"Lou, I'm glad you're recovering, but this hurts him as well." 

Louis nodded slowly. "Have you talked to him?" 

Zayn shook his head no. "Liam said he won't leave the bedroom he seen staying in, and apparently he cries all day and night. He's hurt Louis." 

 

Louis didn't say anything after that. How did he make the only boy in the world he cares about, cry? 

 

Zayn eventually got annoyed at Louis sudden silence, and left. 

Louis stared at the wall for awhile longer before he got up and headed to the bathroom to do the one thing he promised he would never do again. 

As he dug through the drawers to find a razor, he remembered the first time Harry saw his scars. 

-

Louis reached up to grab a cup from the cabinet when Harry grabbed his arm. Not realizing he was touching Louis scars & fresh cuts, he was oblivious to Louis uncomfortable face. 

Louis immediately hissed out in pain, causing Harry to get confused. Knowing he most likely blew his cover, Louis dropped his head down. Harry grabbed his arm, lightly this time, and slowly rolled his long sleeves up. 

Harry gasped as he saw his boyfriends arm was covered in cuts. Tears pricked at his eyes as he looked at Louis. 

"Why?" Was all he could ask. Louis shrugged. "I'm worthless, so I deserve to be hurt."  

Harry shook his head no. He slowly kissed both of Louis' scarred arms. "You're too precious for this Lou. Stop doing this. I love you." 

It was the first time Harry had ever said 'I love you', and apparently that's all Louis needed to know.   
-

Finding a razor tucked underneath a few combs and such, Louis pulled his sleeve up. Staring at the scars his arm held, he drew in a shaky breathe. It'd been years since he last cut. 

 

He blinked, allowing a few tears to escape. As he drew the blade across his now pale skin, Louis sighed in relief. "I missed this."

 

-

 

trigger warning*

4\. You're gonna think that you fixed yourself 

Okay so maybe, just maybe, Louis resulted back to cutting in order to ease his pain. But that wasn't his only problem. Harry was still ignoring him one month later. 

Everyday he would call and leave a message on Harry's phone. Of course Harry would never answer. Louis eventually called so many times that Harry's voicemail was full. 

So instead he'd listen to the automated voice telling him that it was full. 

Harry saw the calls coming through but he continued to ignore them. 

He'd been avoiding everyone because he knew they were all right about Louis. 

He'd never felt so betrayed in his life. Harry was really praying that Louis hadn't resulted back to cutting, but boy was he wrong. 

Louis' arms became his canvas. His razor became a paint brush. 

Louis truly believed that he was okay, he no longer cried. 

Sure he had a dull aching in his chest, but other than that, he was numb. Oblivious to the fact that people were beginning to notice the scars and cuts on his arms. 

So of course Zayn had to speak up. He stopped by Louis apartment one afternoon. 

After knocking multiple times and receiving no answer, he walked in. Louis didn't even lock the door anymore because he firmly believed that Harry would come back home, and if he did, what if Louis didn't answer because he thought it was someone else.

Louis was laying on the couch watching some ridiculous tv show, when he looked up to see zayn standing there. 

"oh, hey Z," louis mumbled. 

"Dont 'hey Z' me! we need to talk!" zayn said harshly. louis sat up quickly,"what happened?! is he okay?" 

zayns face changed from annoyed to confused. "who?" 

 

louis sighed,"harry! is he okay?" zayn sighed in realization,"this talk is about you, not harry." 

"oh," louis gasped, surprised," okay." 

zayn took a deep breath before starting,"louis, a few of us have noticed your--uh--scars and we're worried. someone even told harry and he's quite pissed."

louis suddenly couldnt breathe and his heart was in physical pain. his his world felt as if it was collapsing beneath him and he struggled to comprehend any words. he was having a panic attack and nothing would stop it. harry, his own precious baby angel, knew he was a fuck-up again.

warm tears poured from his eyes and his nose began running. he began breathing in short labored breaths but couldnt fully catch his breath. 

"breathe, lou, breathe," zayn was trying to coach him through the panic attack. 

 

"haz," louis managed to mumble. before zayn could respond, louis blacked out. 

hours later he woke up to beeping sounds and sniffling. 

then, he heard a voice. "i just cant believe you would do this to yourself again lou, i was so proud of you for not going out anymore, but you were in pain. so much pain, and it hurts me as well. i was ready to come home again, i was ready to be back by your side. im just so so sorry." 

louis recognized who it was immediately. he'd recognize that voice anywhere. he slowly opened his eyes before turning towards the figure next to him. harry was looking down and hadnt realized that louis was awake yet. 

louis took a deep breath before speaking,"haz" 

 

harrys head shot up quickly. "oh my god, baby! i love you so much," harry grabbed his hand," dont ever do this to me again! okay? i was so worried about you. when zayn first called me and told me you were in the hospital i just about died, i just couldnt fathom what couldve happened. you mean so much to me and i dont wanna lose you." 

louis was already crying and couldnt breathe. his heart monitor was going wild and harry began panicking again. 

 

"calm down lou," harry whispered. louis took a few deep breathes until he was okay. 

 

"i have to tell you something," harry said. louis looked at him, expecting the worst. 

"what?" he asked. harry looked down momentarily, before glancing back up,"you have to go away." 

 

louis sat up quickly,"what? where?" 

 

"a rehab facilitation, until youre better," harry said. louis started crying,"but im fine!" 

 

"no, lou, youre not," harry said.

 

-

 

5\. you see them out with someone else 

louis got sent to the rehab a week after being admitted to the hospital. it wasnt too bad. he got pretty decent food, and the boys called to check in him a lot. 

it wasnt until harry came to visit him and he had someone else on his arm, that louis started freaking out. because it wasnt just anybody; it was nick. 

 

harry approached louis with a smile on his face,"howve you been lou?" 

louis faked a smile,"ive been alright, but i must ask, why is he here?" 

louis shot a look at nick before turning back to harry with a questioning gaze. 

"i brought him along for support, isnt that right grimmy?" harry said. louis almost died inside because what the hell was harry doing? 

nick nodded,"yeah, im here to support haz."

"oh youre close friends?" louis asked, and though he might not be showing it, he was ready to cry. 

harry smiled softly,"yeah, hes been there for me and i really appreciate him." harry leaned his body into the side of nick, who then wrapped an arm around the curly haired lad. 

 

louis fought back the tears that were threatening to fall at any moment,"well-well im glad youre happy and that hes supporting you, i wish the best for you harry." 

he couldnt even bring himself to call harry 'haz' anymore because it was like nick took that one special thing away from him. it was like nick wanted to take harry away from him. 

louis would have to be pretty blind not to see the way grimmy was staring at harry; and it pissed him off. whether he and he harry was still together or not, nick couldnt fucking have him. 

 

louis wouldnt let it happen, not over his dead fucking body. 

 

"so how long do you guys plan on staying?" louis asked. harry could stay all he wanted, louis just wished nick was gone. he wanted nick to fall off the top of the fucking building and die. 

"well we sighed up for two visitation hours and its only been about 20 minutes, so awhile," harry answered. 

louis nodded his head and slowly turned back towards the tv, just ignoring their presence. 

"oh dont be like that louis," harry said softly. he really just wanted louis to be okay. 

"be like what? im watching tv and ignoring your presence, the same way you did me for awhile," louis spoke slyly. 

"what?" harry finally sputtered out,"you know i have my reasons for ignoring you, dont turn this on me." 

and louis didnt even bother to respond, he honestly had nothing to say. he knew harry had the perfect reason to ignore him, but what could he say? his feelings were hurt, badly. 

"and now youre ignoring me? this is hilarious louis, grow up," harry said, annoyed. 

and louis really wanted to say something back but he refrained; because thats what you do when you love someone. you hold back harsh words.

 

"i think it'd be best if you just leave harry, but remember this please? i really do still love you; so so much," louis said, not bothering to hold back the tears he now felt trailing down his cheeks. 

 

harry nodded softly,"youre right, ill see you when youre out of here, bye lou, love you." 

and just like that, louis walked out of harrys life again. 

 

-

6\. its when you admit you may have fucked up a little

 

months later, louis was finally making his way out the front door of the rehabilitation center. harry hadnt come back to visit him, not since the incident with nick, but louis wasnt particularly bothered. if harry still wanted louis, than louis would gladly stay with him. 

 

he made his way down the steps to a car waiting for him; in the car sat liam. 

 

"howve you been lou?" liam asked. louis shrugged,"i feel much better than i had when i first entered the rehab center." 

"thats good mate," liam said. the conversation died down after that, neither man had anything to say. the silence wasnt really awkward nor uncomfortable, it was just silent. 

 

they finally made it to their destination; louis old flat. louis sighed softly and thanked liam for the ride before grabbing his bags and getting out of the car. he made his was up the steps, grabbed his keys, and unlocked the door. 

he stepped inside and set his bags down on the floor and closed the door behind him, locking it. he took a deep breath and looked all around him; soaking in the place he hadnt been to in months. 

grabbing his bags, he made his way to his old room and set everything down. it wasnt until he was back in the kitchen making coffee, did he get a surprise. 

harry made his way out of his old room and into the kitchen. 

"what are you doing here?" louis asked, shock coursing through his veins. harry smiled softly at him,"just because we've been going through a lot, doesnt mean i wont be here for you." 

 

"but-but you left me, i thought you were gone for good," louis stumbled out.

 

"no, i was never actually gone. we were on a temporary break," harry said. louis was probably about to have a heart attack; he genuinely thought he lost harry. 

"i dont know why youre still here honestly, because harry we both know i fucked up big time. i completely disregarded your feelings those few months ago and i am so sorry. i cant even begin to explain how sorry i feel right now. i trashed our relationship and kept throwing the same excuses left and right; im sorry. i got into alcohol because of problems i had and instead of sitting down with you and talking about them like a normal relationship; i turned to whiskey, tequila, and all that shit. i apologize to you for everything ive done," louis said. he was crying now because he was realizing just how bad he really fucked up. 

 

he let, one of the best things hed ever had, go. he let harry slip through his very own fingertips all because he couldnt handle some addiction he started himself on. he led harry on with the promise of changing, yet he still cheated. 

he snuck home almost every single night at 3am and stumbled all through the house, not bothering to comfort harry; who was usually crying his heart out. 

 

louis fucked up.

 

"look, i know youre better than that now louis, and im proud of you. youve really corrected yourself with the help of that rehab center and im just glad youre home again. im glad youre back to the lou i met and fell in love with. sure it killed me to know that instead of coming home to me every night, you wanted something better, but im past that. i just want you back and for you to not slip back into whatever youd been doing. youre so much better than that lou and i know you are, i love you, okay?" harry spoke slowly. he wanted louis to know that, yes even though he fucked up, harry still cared deeply for him. 

"but what about grimmy?" louis asked. he still fucking hated nick. 

"nick doesnt matter to me like you do. he was there to support me when i was feeling bad." 

 

harrys conformation that nick was only there for support is what pushed louis to walk over to harry and hug him as tight as he could. 

 

"please dont leave me again," louis whispered into harrys shirt. 

harry wrapped his arms tightly around louis,"im not going anywhere."


End file.
